i hate falling asleep sometimes. when its normal sleep, its usually fine. by normal, i mean its consciously decided that its sleepy time and i spend time in headspace, naturally falling alseep, probably thinking about characters and stories, sometimes talking to headmates. then there's... unintended naps. happens sometimes after a long day. even before the split we hated taking naps like that. but now...its worse, especially for me, the system-anxiety riddled guy. right before passing out, we all soup and i dont know who i am. we are not blurry often. so its a very awful experience. i'm the fakeclaimer 5000, its stupid but sometimes i still just cant believe it. even though none of them are me. moments like falling into an unintended sleep and making an unintended wake freak me out and put me off for the rest of the day. and i get comforted, and usually that makes it a little better, but... its some sort of horror i cant describe to a singlet. to not really know who you are. even if just for a moment. but this only happens with unintended sleep...when we wake up after an intended sleep, someone is always in front, usually me or peri. i think thats very interesting? i wonder why that is. so its not stressful at all to wake up. if its not the waker-uppers fronting day, theyll just get kicked out (sometimes with struggle, sometimes not , depends). now off of sleep...sometimes we do get a little blurry. i think when others are in front, its not as distressful, but for me, its again, its awful. even a moment of doubt can make me just, like. explode. and then ill stop listening to the others because...doubt. a vicious cycle. i always make it out, i know. and just because i freak out every once n a while doesnt mean that peridot wont behead me if he doesnt get his front days or that vris will stop being her weird self or that gangle will stop liking anime and being my homie. its been months... but man, its hard sometimes. and i HATE those goddamn naps!!!