okay! hi!! γΎ(οΌΎβοΌΎ) i started a sketchbook because i figured i like traditional art more than digital art, and i think i was right. i don't know, but there's something about putting a pencil to paper that feels better to me than a tablet.
i cut out stickers for it too :) i watched more CITY and i think it might be my favorite modern anime at the moment. it's just great and i don't know how else to describe it. βΈ(ο½‘Λ α΅ Λ )βΈβ‘ the headmates have been really excited for the new TADC episode and seem worried about freaking me out. i guess it feels a little weird, but, i would be really sad if someone told me i couldn't like something (α΅βαβ) so im not going to stop anyone. umm, but, like always, i am scared, because nothing good ever happens when it comes to my 'source', but i'm sure everyone will be fine... right (β₯οΉβ₯) oh... i've been thinking about my gender recently... i know (α΅,βα΄β,) i thought i had it figured out, but im trying to parse 'my feelings' seperate from 'headmates feelings' seperate from 'headmates feelings on how i should feel'. it's hard work. i'm not a guy, but i don't know if i feel girl, but i WANT to be a girl, so... βα’. .α’β .α£ maybe some flavor of girl non binary βα’. .α’β .α£ βα’. .α’β .α£ i have no idea. but maybe i will have an idea one day! this body is messing everything up... i feel good right now, though. i used to not be able to front around any of the people in this house before but now i can! kind of! i started thinking about it like just putting another mask up so it's a little easier now. my voice still comes out wrong and i still hang my head but, well, a girl tries... seriously, it's a weird feeling having your mouth/vocal chords betray you, like im trying to talk in the singlet voice! stop it! (β₯οΉβ₯) okay, see you later...
edit, a few hours later: i am having so much fun with my sketchbook! i feel like a person. which is weird to say but it's true. for a while i've been sanitizing myself and...i don't know (girl that never knows anything) but being able to draw whatever i want in a physical object is freeing! no one can accidentally stumble on whatever i make in a file or something. i don't see people talk about the lack of privacy when it comes to being in a system much. it's pretty awful but we try to make do. also, i've been wanting to talk to other human alterhumans but im...still too shy...maybe soon...i hope...! it's a little lonely because all of my headmates are nonhuman and a lot of the alterhuman community is nonhuman. :( ! i might start my first plushie soon, a plushie of mimineko.