have you ever wanted to feel loved?
i mean...what am i saying...most people want that! (╥﹏╥) i've been reading this manga 'how do we relationship?' by tamifull. it hurts me!! its too realistic. relationships can be so awful and limiting. but recently i've been fantasizing about cute girls... ah, maybe one day, right...? .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·. the only relationship we've ever been in was really awful. and we (well the original) were really young. the original was awful to our partner and our ex was just the worst in his own self-sabotaging and self-deprecating way. tmi, but the sex life was pretty bad and a bit traumatizing in its own way. we try really hard not to mention those people anymore because they hurt us so much, and there's still a small chance they stalk us online... (but i don't think they do anymore!!) anyway, i wish we were a little more fortunate, that's all. ah---i've also been feeling a lot of cosmic fictive terror recently. i think i'm the only one here with this problem but i really really don't like it when others are a fan of my source. and it's...really...really...popular!!! (·•᷄ࡇ•᷅ ) i feel a crushing weight on me...i went through a period where i was doing really well, back around my birthday. i don't know what happened. i've been really sad. i can't relate with the people peridot and acht can. i don't laugh at the same things. i still feel like a fish out of water, even with my other half in my corner now. i can't communicate with her well, so things are still difficult. i keep thinking, 'what's the point of me even being around if i'm going to be so difficult and unsociable?' what do i bring to the table here?
( • ᴖ • ｡) maybe one day i'll be happy... but for now i'll just keep trying my best, and i'll try not to spend 3 hours playing rival stars horse racing!!! "( – ⌓ – ) i started playing 'in stars and time', and it is very...ah...tumblr? i think peri might like it, so i'll tell him to play it instead of me.
onto anime related activities, i watched the original ghost in the shell last week(?) and i got so sleepy...i took a nap in the middle of it...hehe. it wasn't bad, but i didn't really get it... (we're bad at comprehending media) there's this therapist on youtube who is doing a blind playthrough of ddlc, and! it makes me really happy! ddlc is nostalgic and also i just like it! so i at least have one thing to look forwards to when i front (ㅅ´ ˘ `) ok, bye bye ㅤ♡ ㅤ♡